Who needs pockets?

I wish I knew this girl. . . I think I was this girl at one point in my life!

Sleep

I just composed a killer blog post. It was more of a rant, actually. Acerbic. Distasteful. Biting. Angry. Mean? Maybe, in parts.

Before I posted it, though, I decided to read it all the way through out loud, with the emotion I intended each word to convey. And guess what? As I read it, I sounded a lot like a little kid who didn't get a nap today and now needs to go to bed. Gone was the fitful, angry, pent-up emotion I thought I was experiencing. In its place was nothing other than a timeless, who-cares-how-old-you-are-sometimes-you-just-need-to-pitch-a-fit, tantrum.

So, I'm going to grab my pacifier (aka bite splint), my blankie (ok, I actually have two blankets that my mom made for me!) and a bedtime story (can you believe I still haven't finished the Twilight series) and go to bed.

By the way. . . The difference between being a two-year-old who needs to pitch a fit and a thirty-year-old who needs to pitch a fit? I saw it for what it was, and I spared the blogosphere the hysterics!

How long could YOU last?

I could survive for 51 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

This is as political as I plan to get on this blog. . .

I ACCIDENTALLY ate a booger. . . and almost died!

OK, seriously. . . that's what just happened.

There I was, laying in bed reading a good book (I say a "good" book because just a few minutes ago I was reading a "school" book), enjoying my late-night alone-time. Without my husband here to remind me that it's "lights out" time and he's "not it," I have been staying up late and reading a lot these past few days. It's great! But I digress. . . back to the near-death booger experience.

So, I'm laying there, reading a book, picking my nose (Oh, come on, everybody does it!), when all of a sudden, I realized I had achieved my nose-picking purpose. Just as I was about to retreat with the "prize" in hand, my eyes fell on a funny punchline in an otherwise morose story about single life in NYC, causing me to throw my head back with laughter. You should know that even when I'm alone, I'm an all-out, open-mouthed, laugh-out-loud kind of girl. (You see where this is going, don't you?) My explosive laughter caused me to shake my "catch of the day" right off my finger, which was still close to my face. In dropped the little rascal, and at the exact same time, in went the breath for a good belly laugh. I gasped, I gagged, I choked a little bit, and I coughed something fierce as I tried to clear my own airway. It's a good thing I had been reading that school book earlier, or I might have choked to death on my own booger!

In retrospect, I am left wondering about a few things: where did that little booger go? What would I have done with him if he hadn't gone for such a wild ride on the old Upper Airway Express? And why was I so tickled by this story that I got out of bed in the middle of the night to share it with the world? Hmmm. . . many things to consider as I lay my head down - again. But first, I'm going to blow my nose!

David is back in Italy

After a two-year tour of the United States, Michaelangelo's "David" is returning to his pedestal in Italy. . . sponsors of this tour were McDonald's, Burger King, Starbucks and KFC.

Now THAT is funny!

HOT DOGS and MACARONI!!!! My favorites. And green beans, covered with so much Italian dressing you can't even taste the green beans!

Oh. My. God.

I think this is my kinda dog.

As if we don't have enough of these shennanigans going on around our house!

Thanks to my friend Clint, who found this on craigslist and sent it my way. . .

Cheaper than gas. . .

Been there. They only take cash.

And, dang it, all I had was a credit card!

DO NOT swallow your gum!

This could be you!